Life Story Lady

Consider What's Important in Your Memoir

One thing I hear often when teaching life-writing classes is, “I don’t know where to start.” Admittedly, this is one of the hardest parts of writing a memoir, and one that I can help writers overcome.

But recently, I’ve come to realize that the second most difficult part of writing a memoir is ... knowing when to stop!

It’s easy to get carried away and write about the minutiae that was memorable for us but others wouldn’t find interesting. But it's important to consider what's really relevant to your life overall. For instance, rather than write about all of your childhood friends from school, just write about the one or two that you were closest to, especially those who remained friends into adulthood.

At some point, you have to look at the body of work, ask yourself, “Does this cover the most important aspects of my life? Does it give a complete picture of who I am as a person? Does it explain areas of my life that others may not understand?” Those are the criteria you should be thinking about when deciding what to include … and what to leave out.

I've talked before about making a list of everything you remember about your life, and then prioritizing each item. Determine what you really want your readers to know, and what you think they will be most interested in and enjoy reading. Write those things. Give it to someone outside the family to read, and ask “Does it leave you wanting more, or is it too much?” You may find that you don’t even need to write about the topics that were prioritized lowest on your list.

When you feel confident that you have presented a fair and complete overview of your life … stop. If you later want to add more, you can start volume two.

I'm Back!

Time has a way of slipping away ... a minute at a time, an hour, a day, and pretty soon another year has gone by. That's what has happened to me.

The good news is, I haven't blogged in over a year because I've been busier than ever with clients, writing, researching, interviewing, editing, proofreading, formatting and publishing. I never expected to have a successful business at an age when all my friends are retired. But I love hearing other people's stories, and I love even more helping them to document those stories for their families and future generations.

The bad news is, I've neglected my blog, and I've neglected implementing any of the marketing strategies I've learned and developed over the years. Look for a video to be posted here in the near future that will discuss the importance of getting your stories written.

And remember to take advantage of having family together for the holiday to ask those questions that someday you'll wish you had asked. Learn what you can about what your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and others have gone through; the successes and the challenges; the joys and the sorrow.

I've missed some good opportunities here to offer up some tips, but don't YOU miss the opportunity to learn as much as you can about those who came before, and to begin leaving your own legacy for those who come after.

 

Journaling to Save Your Life

A friend and I were chatting the other day about our early years. Both of us had lived overseas while in our twenties, and both had some wonderful and exciting adventures. My friend said “I wish I had kept a journal during that time. I thought I’d never forget some of those events, but all the details are blurry.”

We are constantly adding new data to our memory banks: experiences, people, events, emotions, etc. Each new memory pushes the others to the back. Even those events we think we’ll never forget, are soon pushed far back in a corner of our mind.

It took me years to begin journaling regularly, for various reasons. If you can identify with any of these, perhaps you can overcome them as I eventually did.

• I’m not a writer - You don’t have to be. Just pretend you’re writing a letter to a friend. Journal entries don’t need to be deep, emotional prose, just your honest feelings the way you might share them with a best friend or family member.

• I wouldn’t want anyone else to see my private thoughts - A journal should be for your eyes only - unless you choose to share it. You might want to put it somewhere safe, with a note for it to be read after your death - or put it in a safe deposit box where it may never be found.

• Some things are just too hard to write about - Writing about the tough things, such as abuse, poverty, illness, can be therapeutic. This is where you can express exactly what you feel about a situation without worrying what others will think. If you want to lash out in anger, your journal is the place to do that. If you want to analyze your feelings, do it here. Writing helps us to clarify our thoughts. You needn’t show anyone, but getting thoughts down on paper can help immensely.

• I wouldn’t know what to write about - Write about whatever is on your mind at the time. Don’t make it a chore, just chronicle whatever is going on with you. Here are some ideas to get you started.

    People - Write about your friends, and what they’ve meant to you. Tell briefly how you met, the things you enjoy doing, and how you’ve helped each other through the years. Write about various family members, expressing your pride or concerns for them.

    Places - Write about where you are, where you’ve been, where you’re going. This is so important when you’re traveling. Make notes of the sites you’ve visited, describe some things in detail, as if you’re creating a picture with words.

    Celebrations - Did you get a promotion, marry off your daughter, send your son off to college, celebrate a “big” birthday, publish your book, start a new career? Any of these should be documented in detail while the emotions are still fresh in your mind.

    Struggles - If you’re fighting an illness, lost your job, or are in a stressful relationship, it can help to write about your feelings.

    World Events - Write about national or world events as they affect you. Do you have a son or daughter serving in Afghanistan? Are you concerned about how the current economy will affect you or your children? Write about it. Not only will it be helpful for you, but it will provide an eye-witness account of historical events from your perspective, for future generations.

    Day to Day Activities - Yes, even those. You don’t need to report what you had for lunch every day, but if you had an especially great day at work, or solved a sticky problem that had been bothering you, or spent a wonderful day playing with your grandchildren, write about those events. Years from now, when you read over your journals (and you should - every year or two) you’ll enjoy reliving those times. These are the ones we’re most likely to forget, but the ones we’ll most want to remember.

The added advantage of journaling is that when you’re ready to write your life story, you won’t struggle to remember names, dates, places, or descriptions. It will all be right there for you.

Now - get on the computer and open a new document, or better yet, go buy a pretty blank book and begin writing.

Which book would make it into your life story?

I am a reader. When I was eight years old my aunt gave me the book “Alice in Wonderland” for Christmas. I’ll have to admit though, it was over my head. I didn’t understand it, gave up on it, and never did read it. When my birthday came around, Mom gave me two Trixie Belden books. This was more like it! Trixie and her friend Honey were into everything, and solving mysteries left and right. I wanted the entire series, making gift-giving a snap for my family. Heck, I wanted to be Trixie!

I have been a reader ever since, and never go anywhere without a book in one format or another. I own a Nook and have the Kindle app on my iPhone. When I accidentally locked myself out of my car while running errands, and had to wait 35 minutes for AAA to come help, I parked myself on a nearby bench, and began reading a book on my phone. I didn’t mind the wait at all!

Over the last 50 plus years, I’ve read thousands of books. But which ones do I remember? Which would I recommend to others? Here’s my short list, in no particular order.

On the Beach   -    Neville Shute 
The Thornbirds   -    Colleen McCullough
Angela’s Ashes   -    Frank McCourt
Two Old Women   -    Velma Wallis
A Tale of Two Cities   -    Charles Dickens
Psycho-Cybernetics   -    Maxwell Maltz
Angle of Repose   -    Wallace Stegner
A Walk in the Woods   -    Bill Bryson
The Grapes of Wrath   -    John Steinbeck
And Ladies of the Club   -    Helen Hooven Santmyer

Some of these books have impacted my life in interesting ways.

“On the Beach,” which I read in the 1960s, had me thinking I didn’t need to plan ahead because no one would be alive the next month anyway. Fortunately, I got over that very quickly.

“Psycho-Cybernetics”––one of the few I’ve read several times––was my introduction to positive thinking, visualization, and the concept of being in control of our own lives. It was definitely a life-changer!

“A Walk in the Woods” inspired me to want to hike the Appalachian trail. I haven’t done it yet, but have hiked in other amazing places, including the Grand Canyon.

One of the most influential was “Angela’s Ashes,” which sparked my interest in memoirs, and set me on a new career path.

When you write your memoir, make a list of the books that have impacted you in some way. Include a brief description of each, and explain how it affected you or changed your life. Sharing the things we love with others is fulfilling for us, and sharing our favorite books can inspire, enlighten, entertain, and transform the lives of others as well.

And now that I think about it, maybe it’s time I give “Alice in Wonderland” another try!

Top 10 Things Your Grandchildren Will Want to Know About You

Last month (has it been a month already? Yikes!) I promised you a Top Ten list...Things your grandchildren will want to know about you. Most of the items on the list were taken from a poll I did about a year ago.

These topics are fairly general and would apply to just about anyone, but if you think some are not relevant to your life, ask yourself..."what do I wish I knew about my grandparents?" Come up with your own top ten. It's not the questions themselves that are important, it's the relaying of our stories––the sharing of our lives––that is vital.

As you write about each topic, give as much detail as possible. For instance, for "When and Where were you born?" don't just give a date and a city, but describe the area. Was it a farm, city, suburb, etc. Google the year and tell a little about the times; what was going on in the world, in the country?

Here you go!

1 - When & where were you born?
2 - Tell me about where you grew up
3 - What were your favorite things to do as a child?
4 - How did you meet your spouse?
5 - Why did you choose the career you did?
6 - What was your first car, and what did it cost?
7 - What were some of the most difficult times in your life?
8 - What are you most proud of having achieved?
9 - Is there anything you would have done differently?
10- What was it like running a home before today’s technology?

Bonus Topics (may not apply to everyone)

1 - Tell what it was like going through the great Depression
2 - Tell about some of your military/war experiences
3 - Why and when did your family come to the U.S., From where?

Write at least one full page about each topic, including the Who, What, Where, When, Why & How where applicable. Include the five senses where you can, as well as emotions.

With just these 10 topics for starters, you'll have a great start on your memoir!

For hundreds more topics, and writing guidelines, check out my book "Write Your Life Story in 28 Days."

Coming up: Books that have impacted your life

 

End of the World? I Think Not!

So, it's Sunday, May 22nd, and we dodged a bullet, so to speak. Actually, when the rapture happens for real––on God's timetable, not some quack's––I hope I'm a part of it. But until then, we all need to keep living our lives the best we can.

It did get me thinking though, about getting our stories written (but then, what doesn't get me thinking about that.) You might say––"if the world ends, who will be left to read our stories?" That's very true. But the rapture will only take the believers, so we'll still need to leave our stories––especially about our faith.

But, okay, let's just leave all that out of the mix. None of us know when OUR last day will be––or that of a loved one. Not fun to think about, but it is what it is.

My husband was in the hospital recently, and there were a couple of scary days when we weren't sure if he would make it. (He's home and fine now, thanks!) But besides the fact that I was terrified that he'd never come home again, the thought "He never did finish writing his stories for the kids!" went through my mind. It hit me... I'm the Life Story Lady! And my own husband hasn't written his story!

Now, he had actually written a few individual stories, and I could piece together more from what he has told me, but it wouldn't be the same as the kids reading it all, in his words. So now we're getting that done!

Don't wait until a tragic world event - or a tragic personal event - to realize you need to leave a legacy. Do it now.

Coming next: The Top 10 Things Your Grandchildren Will Want to Know About You.

Remembering the Special People in Your Life

Today is the 105th anniversary of my Grandma Mac's birth. She lived to be almost 102. When she was in her early 90s, I set about writing her life story. I had asked her to write her story, but she didn't think she had done anything worth writing about. I proved her wrong. At first, when I began asking her questions about her childhood, courting, marriage, etc, she was a bit hesitant. But she soon started looking forward to the questions I'd send her, and wrote back to me - sometimes a dozen or more handwritten, yellow legal-pad pages of stories. She was enjoying it! She wrote about things she had done, but more importantly, she wrote about how she felt about her life. It wasn't always an easy life.

One of her daughters became completely deaf in early childhood. Grandma had to learn sign language. She took a job as housemother at the school for the deaf, so she could be near, and help to support her family at the same time.

She lived through the Great Depression, and lost a house and business that they had worked hard for.

She lost another daughter--only 28 years old--to cancer. She cared for a couple of her grandchildren at various times. She took care of her husband after his stroke, and later cared for several of her brothers and sisters until they passed away. She did not have an easy life...but in her eyes, it was a good life. She knew how to have fun, and made other people happy. She lived to be almost 102, having outlived all three of her daughters.

This is just a thumbnail sketch of her life. But I have an entire book of stories about her first 98 years!

What about the special people in your life? Do you know their stories? If not... don't wait! Begin now asking the questions about the most important things you want to know about them. Make a list of those things you've always wondered about. Then, in a casual setting, over a meal, or at a family gathering, begin to get the stories.

Need some help? My book Write Your Life Story in 28 Days has lots of ideas on topics to discuss, and writing tips to get it all documented.  Remember - it's not important how you do it, but that you do it!

May is Personal History Awareness Month

So what does this mean to you? You're probably already aware of the importance of writing a personal history, or you wouldn't be digging around in this blog. But have you started writing or recording your history? It's one thing to understand the importance of a deed or project; quite another thing to actually take the necessary action.

People always ask if I've written my story. The answer is... it's a work in progress. I do not have a printed book, but I have hundreds of stories in my computer, and many are printed and filed in a 3-ring binder. If I were to leave this earth tomorrow, my family would know where to find my personal history.

On the other hand, we had quite a scare with my husband a few weeks ago. He's fine now, but he spent a week in ICU and there were some very frightening moments. One thought that kept going through my mind was... "He can't go yet, I didn't get his story written for the kids!" God heard my prayers, and he is home and recovering well. And he has begun writing some of his story in his laptop. As soon as he feels like getting out more, we'll go for coffee, and he'll talk while I record him and take notes. We're going to get that story written! It's just too bad that it took a real scare to get it done.

Don't wait until you have some kind of traumatic event to become aware of the necessity of getting your stories recorded - let this special month, or this blog, or the Royal Wedding memories, or whatever it takes, to get you moving. It doesn't need to be an overwhelming task - just take it one story at a time. You can do it.

When You Look Back, How Will You See Your Life?

What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner. ~  Sidonie Colette

When I came across the quote above, I realized how true it is, that many of us miss life as it's going by. We're either "waiting until" something great and wonderful happens in our life, or we don't really appreciate the good things that do come along. Much later, we look back and see that most of life was more fun than we knew at the time. But we missed the enjoyment of it.

Imagine a child going to Disneyland for the first time, and just wandering through the grounds, shrugging his shoulders as the exciting rides are pointed out, acting bored, or perhaps even aggravated at the crowds.

You'd be hard pressed to find a child acting that way in Disneyland. Kids don't notice the minor frustrations, they're more likely to take advantage of every possible activity, and enjoy every minute. They will keep going until they finally collapse in exhausted happiness.

Somewhere along the way, as we grow up, we lose that enthusiasm. We begin to focus more on the negatives than the positives in life. We miss all the good times, because we're complaining about the imperfections. We don't enjoy the steak, because the coffee wasn't great.

I know... I'm not supposed to be writing about attitude here, and I'm not, really. But what I hope to do is have you write your life story not just as a history book, but also as a story––a life––that you've created. Make it what you want it to be! Make it fun, interesting, challenging! Write your life in the future.

Yes, life an be tough, and we all have problems. But that doesn't mean we still can't have a wonderful time along the way. If you're too broke to go out to dinner, get a bag of 99¢ hamburgers and go to the park. If you can't manage an out of state vacation, see some sights in your own town that you've missed. Make life fun as you go. Look for the good in all situations, and enjoy everything you do. Make life fun!

Don't wait until many years have gone by, only to look back and realize you just wandered through the Disneyland of your life without enjoying the rides!

Fun exercise: Write a "chapter" of your future life story - as you'd like to have it happen! Write about the vacation you've always wanted to take - as if you'd already done it! Then figure out how to create that experience.

 

Traditions that Last Through Generations

I received a touching email from my daughter today. Kleenex was involved––that’s how touching it was.

A friend of hers had asked for examples of some Christmas traditions for a book she was compiling. The instructions said it could be a one-liner, a short story, or anything in between.

My daughter, Jen told me “I thought I was just going to be a ‘one-liner’ kind of gal, but once I got going, I couldn't stop. Like you!”

The attachment she sent with the email included her version of many of the Christmas traditions we had observed over the years. Some––like she and her brothr taking turns putting the angel on the tree each year––seemed quite mundane at the time we were doing them, but they obviously left great memories for my daughter, since she enjoyed sharing them. And she seemed to see the humor in the “cheesy smiles” they held as I tried to get the camera working.

Other traditions––such as the unique ornaments I gave my kids each year, depicting a recent event in their life––are still going on, and Jen now does the same for her own two young sons.

What affected me the most about the examples she shared, was that the little things we had done throughout the years, not only became traditions, but became great memories for our kids. Those simple acts did actually have meaning, even if we didn’t realize it at the time. It wasn’t just a ritual, it was a part of our family, of who we were, who they were, and even who they’ve become.

Every family has a tradition, ritual, or habit of some kind. Something they can always count on happening. I could always depend on my Mom having a pot of Chili on the stove when I went home for a visit. Maybe it wasn’t a tradition, but I knew my favorite meal would be waiting for me just the same. And it provided good memories.

Through your writing, share those events, traditions, regular happenings in your life that you could count on, and that bring back good memories. Who knows ... a tradition your mother or grandmother started, and that you’ve carried on, may continue on for several more generations!